Project Death Spiral: the handover progress status update report

I have a scheduled meeting with PMv1 to deliver the "one-on-one handover progress status update report". And yes, it does indeed take longer to say it than it does to deliver it.

As part of keeping him updated on progress of the handover to my minion (whose defection to Brother of Death Spiral is still on the cards, so this handover process has the potential to be the procedure that just keeps on, uh, proceding). He's missing from the project office when I arrive, so I consult the Great Whiteboard for advice.

Nothing.

I'm not entirely surprised that the Rule of Whiteboard doesn't apply to him, but the temptation to write "AWOL" next to his name is nearly overwhelming, even before our business analyst looks over his cubicle wall and begins urging "Do it! Do it! What have you got to lose?"

When PMv1 arrives (clutching a slightly greasy-looking bag from the refectory), the actual meeting itself lasts less time than it took me to walk to his office, and only a fraction of the time I've spent hanging around waiting for him to turn up. All part of the "eight productive hours a day" that PMv1 urged us all to work towards under his benevolent dictatorship.