The Unusual Suspects

Some of these have yet to make an appearance and there are others I've no doubt forgotten, but I figure it was time to draw up a list of some of the usual suspects.  Ladies and gentleman, I give you the cast, in approximate order of appearance:

• Cow-orker
  The original model and, in many ways, still the best: able to accelerate from gung-ho enthusiasm to blind panic and back in 0.5 seconds.
• Secondary Cow-orkerBecause the universe decided one Cow-orker per workplace wasn't enough.
• Crazy Man
  Ah, the Crazy Man... my manager three times at various stages of my "career". Each time has been a new experience in learning  how to manage management. Occasionally still makes enough noise that I can hear him from here. 
• Backup Cow-orkerA hapless individual lacking anything in the way of technical, communication, management, or social skills. The first time I met him, he crawled under a computer desk and contrived to pull the mouse and keyboard onto his head through the keyboard drop.
• Marketing Shrew
  Those who can, do. Those who can't, market. Or attempt to. I don't think the Marketing Shrew really plays much of a part in much of what's here, except as a background influence to some of the Cow-orker's madness.
• Token Human
  An innocent thrust into the world of The Cow-Orker when I left to work on Project Death Spiral and she came back to take my place. Lasted another six months before resigning and leaving the country.
• PMv1
  Project Manager Version 1 from the Project Death Spiral days. His on-again/off-again reign of terror as project manager (and inability to let anyone else manage "his" project without interference) laid the groundwork for much of the misery. Catch-cry was "Don't tell me the details".
• My Minion
  My offsider during Project Death Spiral. A little prone to savaging random passers-by, but fun to work with and we got along well.
• PMv2/Sluggo
  Possibly the most reprehensible individual I've ever worked with. He "graduated" from simply being tagged "Project Manager Version 2" to "Sluggo" after a particularly slimy series of incidents where he tried to start a public email brawl with me and then pin the blame for it on me. A master of playing both sides against the middle, his downfall was forgetting he was the middle.
• Evil DeVito
  A wandering monster from the Death Spiral era, characterised by his vampiric hunger for other peoples' projects, and uncanny resemblance to Danny DeVito.
• Ted E.Psychopath, frustrated serial killer and bona fide oxygen thief. Obscure death cults worship him as the Antichrist.
• Stress Fiend
  Well-intentioned workmate who generates vast amount of stress for herself, which she copes with by living in a state of near-permanent rage towards our clients. Her terror of making a mistake and being harangued by Ted E. fuels her unfortunate habit of being secretive about her work and hiding what she's up to.
• Morass
  Not really a person as such, but practically a malignant entity in its own right. The Morass is where old documents go to die, where wanted information takes refuge to avoid unwanted scrutiny, where codified stupidity tries to hide from the harsh light of reason, and where Ted E. goes to seek the wisdom of the ancients (or, at least, to listen to the call of The Good Old Days) in his tireless war against unwanted change. 
• InvertebrateMy team leader. Earned this appellation after an undistinguished start in his role, where he refused to do anything that would incur a lecture from Ted E.  Has recently shown encouraging signs of growing a spine.
• Pet Tech
  We have a tame tech on hand whose wage we pay and who (supposedly) is there to meet our technical needs. It's an interesting theory, but an expensive one.
• Gollum
  Pale, balding, skinny, and reclusive. A mostly harmless team leader with poorly-developed social skills who likes to hide from his team. In his first day on the job, he studiously avoided having anything whatsoever to do with them, including saying "hello".
• Gimli
  Short, stocky, occasionally belligerent, likes to quaff ... you get the idea. Relentlessly trying to climb the organisation ladder, at any given moment he can be found in roles ranging from a team leader to acting manager. Has an unnatural fondness for organisational charts.