20 September, 2005

Project Death Spiral: carrots away, sticks out

Okay, the real PMv1 has returned. Presumably yesterday's jovial impostor has been dropped into the river to feed the sharks.

First there was the e-mail informing us that if we all do things his way and respect his authoritah then he's sure we can all get along just fine.

"I don't know what you're previous project managers [let's ignore that he was one of them, shall we?] and team leaders have been letting you get away with, but I'll have you know I run a very tight ship and want eight productive hours a day out of all of you!"

Henceforth we're to organise a whiteboard in The Shed on which we're to document all our movements and locations at all times of the day, much to the amusement of our Business Analyst, who is now no longer alone in enduring the whiteboard tyranny. And we'll be checked up on, presumably as part of PMv1's daily eight hours of productive work.

(In fact all we need to do is get some heavy duty cleaner to take off Sluggo's scribbles, where he used permanent marker to write up things he later tried to deny having said in the first place.

Team Death Spiral, pointing at the whiteboard: "It's behind you!"

Sluggo: "Oh, no it's not!"

Team Death Spiral: "Oh, yes it is!"

Sluggo, turning around and looking everywhere but at the whiteboard: "Oh, no it's not!"

Alarums and hi-jinx ensue.)

Now comes a second e-mail, reminding us that we must file all electronic documents relating to Death Spiral in the appropriate directories. Not unreasonable in itself, but he goes on to add (again) that he doesn't know what our previous project managers and team leaders told us, or didn't tell us (and let's just recap - this is Death Spiral's original project manager talking) but there's a very specific way that things must be done, and if we all do exactly what he says then there's no reason we can't all get along just fine.

Just like one big, happy family.

Kind of like the Mansons.

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