10 August, 2005

Too many bodies, not enough floorboards

PMv2 gets bored up in the Project Office and comes down to tell us that everything we know is wrong. I don't think he has anyone to talk to up there. I've tuned out much of it (there's the little matter of the Table of Doom that he wants by close of business tomorrow), but he's running in circles trying to explain how he's not really contradicting himself. I think he's developing multiple personalities, because he's having trouble agreeing with himself about anything. I try to ignore him until he says something of interest. My minion foolishly tries to make sense of what he's saying.

PMv2: "We need to start this right now."

Minion: "We can't start this until after we've got authorisation."

PMv2: "That's what I said - we'll start this as soon as we've got authorisation. So can we start this on Monday?"

Minion: "Has it been authorised yet?"

PMv2: "No, but we need to start right away."

... and repeat.

Other news, is that Death Spiral has apparently changed scope yet again. This is one of his justifications for half of what he's saying conflicting with the other half. We're not sure what the scope has changed to, but apparently everything we've done so far has been deemed to be of operational importance, but of no value to the project. We need to concentrate on superficial issues instead (at this point my minion announces with gritted teeth that she has to leave for lunch). And we're not allowed to tell stakeholders that it's a big job and will take time, because they'll get nervous and kill the project.

... and suddenly he realises that no-one in the shed considers this a bad thing anymore, and begins fumbling for other reasons as to why we should lie to the stakeholders. Because hiding the truth from them worked so well through the first eight months of Death Spiral's life.

His fallback position is to complain about the problems he's having dealing with HR issues that shouldn't be his problem to deal with. They're not our problem, either, nor is the fact that he has a problem with them not being his problem. But now they can be our problem, too, because on Project Death Spiral a problem shared is a problem multiplied. No problem.

By the time he leaves he's successfully prevented any work getting done for nearly and hour and a half ... the second time he's done that this week.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"By the time he leaves he's successfully prevented any work getting done for nearly and hour and a half ... the second time he's done that this week."

Do you fill out itemized time-cards? If so - make sure everyone in the office puts down 3 hour's worth of meetings with [babbling moron]

11 people x 3 hours x average hourly salary = cost of that precious advice

I have found that whether it's required or not - I keep that itemized hourly data. That way when someone asks what the hell I've been doing I can actually answer them. That tends to shut people up in a hurry. Or at least it teaches them not to ask questions they dont want the answers to.