"I'm going home."
I think I'm pretty much done with the Project Office, Project Death Spiral and Sluggo. I didn't survive years of punishment at the hands of the Cow-orker just to wind up working in an environment where "Dance for us, Monkey-boy!" is considered a motivational speech.
31 August, 2005
30 August, 2005
Pointy-haired thinking
"Hmm..." thinks Sluggo, "if I assign this e-mail I sent earlier as a task, then he'll do it faster than if I just leave it as an e-mail asking for information. He won't mind the same person asking him multiple times for the same information by the same deadline."
Prat.
Prat.
26 August, 2005
And it was such a nice neighbourhood
One of the new occupants of The Shed will be Evil Devito. Presumably they couldn't stand having him indoors anymore.
Their gain is our loss.
Their gain is our loss.
We *will* tell you when the lambs stop screaming
The weekly project meeting drags on while Sluggo tells us about his great and mighty efforts at combatting the evil of the Project Office. One of the contractors amuses herself by doodling on her copy of the minutes, drawing pictures of her puppy. Then the puppy drawing goes horribly wrong ("He looked like Hannibal Lectre!") and she hastily rubs out the sketch after nearly rupturing her lungs trying to contain her laughter every time she looks at it.
"I figured looking bored was okay, but suddenly pissing myself laughing for no reason would be harder to explain."
"I figured looking bored was okay, but suddenly pissing myself laughing for no reason would be harder to explain."
"Join us..."
The Cow-orker has been keeping in touch, and I've been letting her and a few others at my old work know how things have been going.
Now she's trying to convince the Crazy Man that they should try to find a place for me back there, maybe rolling the Secondary Cow-orker (who's been sulking since I left) out of her support position.
"He said he'd see what he could to get you back here," she says encouragingly, "but he's not sure how he'll go."
"Fair enough. I've heard wild horses can be tricky to find at this time of year," I reply.
Now she's trying to convince the Crazy Man that they should try to find a place for me back there, maybe rolling the Secondary Cow-orker (who's been sulking since I left) out of her support position.
"He said he'd see what he could to get you back here," she says encouragingly, "but he's not sure how he'll go."
"Fair enough. I've heard wild horses can be tricky to find at this time of year," I reply.
Chinese Whispers
Another project sharing The Shed has wound up (lucky, lucky bastards) and their desks are now empty.
PMv1 to technician: "I want you to take all the computers off the desks and lock them in that office."
Tech: "What's the point of that, when new people are going to be sitting at these desks next week and I'll just have to set the PCs up all over again?"
PMv1: "Don't question your orders! This is how the Department Head wants things done, and this is how you'll do them?"
Department Head wanders into The Shed a couple of hours later, looks bewildered, and exits to find the technician.
"Why are all the computer's piled up on Marcus's desk?"
Tech: "PMv1 said that's what you wanted done."
Department Head: "Why would I want that done? It's stupid. Put them back."
PMv1 resumes control of Project Death Spiral in around two weeks.
PMv1 to technician: "I want you to take all the computers off the desks and lock them in that office."
Tech: "What's the point of that, when new people are going to be sitting at these desks next week and I'll just have to set the PCs up all over again?"
PMv1: "Don't question your orders! This is how the Department Head wants things done, and this is how you'll do them?"
Department Head wanders into The Shed a couple of hours later, looks bewildered, and exits to find the technician.
"Why are all the computer's piled up on Marcus's desk?"
Tech: "PMv1 said that's what you wanted done."
Department Head: "Why would I want that done? It's stupid. Put them back."
PMv1 resumes control of Project Death Spiral in around two weeks.
Parriah
How to make a contractor feel welcome #127.
Our business analyst came down to a meeting with us. We suspect it will only be a short meeting, but have booked him for a whole hour so that he has the option of not having to return immediately to the project office.
He's appreciative, but explains that it probably doesn't matter: "I have the place to myself. Everybody else has gone off to a morning tea, and I wasn't invited."
Because when you're part of the project office, nothing spoils the appetite more, it seems, than having one of those filthy contractors at the same table.
Our business analyst came down to a meeting with us. We suspect it will only be a short meeting, but have booked him for a whole hour so that he has the option of not having to return immediately to the project office.
He's appreciative, but explains that it probably doesn't matter: "I have the place to myself. Everybody else has gone off to a morning tea, and I wasn't invited."
Because when you're part of the project office, nothing spoils the appetite more, it seems, than having one of those filthy contractors at the same table.
24 August, 2005
The mark of the beast
One contractor points out to the BA that he's not wearing his security tag.
"Don't you have one?"
"I have one. I just don't like wearing it."
"Why not?"
"It makes me feel like I belong. I don't want to belong here."
"Don't you have one?"
"I have one. I just don't like wearing it."
"Why not?"
"It makes me feel like I belong. I don't want to belong here."
Breaking the chain of command
We have a business analyst in at the moment to navigate the Council's labyrinthine purchasing process and prepare specifications for the software that would have made Death Spiral a breeze if the Project Office hadn't decided it made more sense to buy the software two-thirds of the way through rather than at the start when it would have been most advantageous.
But, y'know, if we'd bought it at the start then we wouldn't have had all this triplication of effort and working in the dark, and where would be the fun in that?
Anyway, the BA's done an impressive job so far, and has put together pretty much all the documentation in just over two weeks. He's also upset PMv1 in the process.
This is partly because he didn't use the approved method - he was supposed to hold numerous meetings; kill thousands of trees circulating draft documents that don't get read; and then hold more meetings where people alternate between boredom and fighting with other attendees over who has responsibility for what.
Mostly, though, it's because he was talking to individual stakeholders, identifying their needs, and producing results. And that's just not on.
But, y'know, if we'd bought it at the start then we wouldn't have had all this triplication of effort and working in the dark, and where would be the fun in that?
Anyway, the BA's done an impressive job so far, and has put together pretty much all the documentation in just over two weeks. He's also upset PMv1 in the process.
This is partly because he didn't use the approved method - he was supposed to hold numerous meetings; kill thousands of trees circulating draft documents that don't get read; and then hold more meetings where people alternate between boredom and fighting with other attendees over who has responsibility for what.
Mostly, though, it's because he was talking to individual stakeholders, identifying their needs, and producing results. And that's just not on.
22 August, 2005
A word on Evil Devito
Who is Evil Devito? Maybe this earlier encounter with him will help explain:
Another project manager (who resembles a Sicilian Danny Devito, but without the charm, charisma or humour) lectured me today for half an hour on why Project Death Spiral is irrelevant, making things worse for the City Council, and should be entirely subordinate to his own project (The Grand Project that will make everything right or, alternatively, simply makes everything that conflicts with it redundant).
He then went on to declare himself a Death Spiral stakeholder (more fool him, really), and it was with great pleasure that I gave him PMv2's phone number, with the words: "Here's the man to talk to."
By the time I get back to my desk from the harangue, Evil Devito has already been on the phone with PMv2 and scheduled an appointment. PMv2 is foaming at the mouth in anticipation.
Another project manager (who resembles a Sicilian Danny Devito, but without the charm, charisma or humour) lectured me today for half an hour on why Project Death Spiral is irrelevant, making things worse for the City Council, and should be entirely subordinate to his own project (The Grand Project that will make everything right or, alternatively, simply makes everything that conflicts with it redundant).
He then went on to declare himself a Death Spiral stakeholder (more fool him, really), and it was with great pleasure that I gave him PMv2's phone number, with the words: "Here's the man to talk to."
By the time I get back to my desk from the harangue, Evil Devito has already been on the phone with PMv2 and scheduled an appointment. PMv2 is foaming at the mouth in anticipation.
Damning with faint praise
I'll say this much for Sluggo: he has an amazing knack for annihilating motivation and inspiring the maximum amount of apathy with a single e-mail.
Why he seems to feel the need to send several such e-mails a day remains a mystery, though.
Okay, I've praised Caesar - now can I bury him?
In the cage
A glorious start to the day - the project office has decreed that we must keep the doors of The Shed closed at all times. No idea why, exactly, unless they're afraid someone will come in and steal the hutches, but that's the ruling from the powers that be.
Sluggo is making indignant noises about raising this as a workplace health & safety issue, but it's anyone's guess as to how he expects to make any progress on us having fresh air when we can't get any action on working in a firetrap.
Although perhaps they might take pity on us having to work in an enclosed space with Sluggo...
Sluggo is making indignant noises about raising this as a workplace health & safety issue, but it's anyone's guess as to how he expects to make any progress on us having fresh air when we can't get any action on working in a firetrap.
Although perhaps they might take pity on us having to work in an enclosed space with Sluggo...
18 August, 2005
Project Death Spiral: stealth recruitment
I half-suspect Sluggo has decided to replace me when it comes to dealing with the endless rewrites he wants done to project documentation, something I'm not opposed to in the slightest. However he's going about it in typically underhanded fashion and hoping no-one notices.
What he's done is to hire another contractor, ostensibly to deal with the grunt work. But he's selected one who's ridiclously over-qualified for the level of work she's being asked to do. Now he's started hinting that I should begin showing her some of the project documentation I'm working on, and maybe get her to do a little.
And then a little bit more.
And so on, until we finish with the new contractor being paid grunt wages to perform a higher-level job. Then Sluggo can triumphantly wave around completed documentation and claim to have saved money by utilising existing resources (rather than specifically advertising for someone with the skillset he was really after and paying them accordingly).
What he's done is to hire another contractor, ostensibly to deal with the grunt work. But he's selected one who's ridiclously over-qualified for the level of work she's being asked to do. Now he's started hinting that I should begin showing her some of the project documentation I'm working on, and maybe get her to do a little.
And then a little bit more.
And so on, until we finish with the new contractor being paid grunt wages to perform a higher-level job. Then Sluggo can triumphantly wave around completed documentation and claim to have saved money by utilising existing resources (rather than specifically advertising for someone with the skillset he was really after and paying them accordingly).
Project Death Spiral: absent cats
The project office appears to be missing its upper management today, and the individual project managers (most of them contractors paid on an hourly basis) have celebrated their freedom by scattering to the four winds now that no-one's watching their movements. Sluggo has returned to The Shed (and you can feel the joy in the air when that happens), cheerfully announcing that now he can have an easy day, and that he plans to leave early into the bargain.
And yet he still seems surprised and outraged that the head of the Project Office insists on keeping tabs on where the contractors are and what they're actually doing...
And yet he still seems surprised and outraged that the head of the Project Office insists on keeping tabs on where the contractors are and what they're actually doing...
17 August, 2005
Project Death Spiral: pot, meet kettle
Just discovered that while our document management system is eccentric, it's also treacherously honest about document histories. For example, the two primary documents Sluggo has been telling us he's been working hard at revising for the last two months (but has never seemed to finish, strangely) have only been worked on for about the last two weeks - and intermittently, at that.
So if he's not actually producing any documentation, and not actually reading any of the existing stuff, it makes sense that he's desperate for me to complete a major project document that he can then brandish at people to demonstrate productivity.
What a creature he is...
So if he's not actually producing any documentation, and not actually reading any of the existing stuff, it makes sense that he's desperate for me to complete a major project document that he can then brandish at people to demonstrate productivity.
What a creature he is...
16 August, 2005
Project Death Spiral: in the brig
Project Office admin person came down and was horrified to discover we had The Shed door open.
"But these are supposed to be closed!" and she begins trying to lock us in (confirming my suspicion that The Shed is meant as some form of solitary confinement).
We hurry over to the door to stop her, and try to explain that we keep the door open for ventilation.
"But you have air-conditioners, can't you use them?"
More explanations. We're working in a corrugated iron structure, oriented north-south, with no overhanging shade (except for a couple of palm trees that drop leaf litter into the gutters of the flat roof and cause water to back up inside the ceiling when it rains). The Shed heats up very rapidly, and the air-conditioners (positioned right above people's desks, and we can't move the desks because then we violate The Plan) deafen everyone when they're running at full blast to compensate. On the other hand, simply leaving the door open gives us plenty of airflow, keeps the place cool, the air fresh, and costs no money.
Admin person looks dubious about our motives, but grudgingly concedes that "the door is supposed to remain closed" doesn't really stack up well as a counter-argument and slinks away.
She'll be back, though. Sooner or later they'll either burn us alive, freeze us to death (corrugated iron and no insulation cuts both ways - found that out last week), or bake us at our desks. And if they can't manage that, they'll deafen us.
"But these are supposed to be closed!" and she begins trying to lock us in (confirming my suspicion that The Shed is meant as some form of solitary confinement).
We hurry over to the door to stop her, and try to explain that we keep the door open for ventilation.
"But you have air-conditioners, can't you use them?"
More explanations. We're working in a corrugated iron structure, oriented north-south, with no overhanging shade (except for a couple of palm trees that drop leaf litter into the gutters of the flat roof and cause water to back up inside the ceiling when it rains). The Shed heats up very rapidly, and the air-conditioners (positioned right above people's desks, and we can't move the desks because then we violate The Plan) deafen everyone when they're running at full blast to compensate. On the other hand, simply leaving the door open gives us plenty of airflow, keeps the place cool, the air fresh, and costs no money.
Admin person looks dubious about our motives, but grudgingly concedes that "the door is supposed to remain closed" doesn't really stack up well as a counter-argument and slinks away.
She'll be back, though. Sooner or later they'll either burn us alive, freeze us to death (corrugated iron and no insulation cuts both ways - found that out last week), or bake us at our desks. And if they can't manage that, they'll deafen us.
Project Death Spiral: Of slugs in suits
Just had the meeting with PMv2 that he set up last week. It wasn't as confrontational as I'd been expecting, which made it more productive and less of a trial than I'd feared (which is good) but at the same time it's taken the edge off my sense that I need to flee this madhouse (which is bad).
Clearly I'm too easily mollified and need to work harder at maintaining grudges.
There was a somewhat insincere apology for giving me "a hard time" last week. Apparently he did it for my benefit, because he knew my probation review was coming up and wanted to make sure I produced something that I could show my operational manager. And of course a personal attack cc'ed to me operational manager is just the way to do that. It's possible that this was some fiendishly clever plan on his part to make me look like an innocent victim, but I have trouble buying that one.
I might not be good at holding grudges, but I'm not stupid.
The first half hour covers the useful stuff, including the bombshell that, according to his reading of the project plan, actually doing anything useful with what we discover isn't part of the project scope (i.e. is hard, requires resources, doesn't yield glamorous results), reducing Death Spiral to a level where we just gather data and materials for the sake of it and don't do anything meaningful with it.
Oh, and I need to redraft all the pre-existing project documentation into the approved project office templates, even though the processes need to be documented in their existing format so that they're consistent with QA documentation.
And he didn't actually read most of what I'd written. I know this because he prefaced the meeting with "I haven't read through most of this". He just wanted it to look like the project template and see a couple of dates written down. Doesn't need to know what the dates relate to or whether they're realistic. They just need to be there in the right font.
Then comes the obligatory part of any conversation with PMv2.
Clearly I'm too easily mollified and need to work harder at maintaining grudges.
There was a somewhat insincere apology for giving me "a hard time" last week. Apparently he did it for my benefit, because he knew my probation review was coming up and wanted to make sure I produced something that I could show my operational manager. And of course a personal attack cc'ed to me operational manager is just the way to do that. It's possible that this was some fiendishly clever plan on his part to make me look like an innocent victim, but I have trouble buying that one.
I might not be good at holding grudges, but I'm not stupid.
The first half hour covers the useful stuff, including the bombshell that, according to his reading of the project plan, actually doing anything useful with what we discover isn't part of the project scope (i.e. is hard, requires resources, doesn't yield glamorous results), reducing Death Spiral to a level where we just gather data and materials for the sake of it and don't do anything meaningful with it.
Oh, and I need to redraft all the pre-existing project documentation into the approved project office templates, even though the processes need to be documented in their existing format so that they're consistent with QA documentation.
And he didn't actually read most of what I'd written. I know this because he prefaced the meeting with "I haven't read through most of this". He just wanted it to look like the project template and see a couple of dates written down. Doesn't need to know what the dates relate to or whether they're realistic. They just need to be there in the right font.
Then comes the obligatory part of any conversation with PMv2.
- Talking about all the other projects he's managing and how important they are?
Check. - All was in chaos before he arrived?
Check. - Everything's going well?
Check. - Moaning about HR issues?
Check. - He'd love to see the project through to the end, but thinks he'll be moved on?
Check. - We're doomed?
Check. - Getting confused about what we're doing?
Check. - He's had enough of this project and wants out?
Check. - It's all someone else's fault?
Check. - Swaps roles with someone who pointed out a serious flaw, so that he was the one pointing it out to them, incredulous that they could have missed it?
Check. - It's all everybody else's fault?
Check.
12 August, 2005
How 'bout that weather?
It is indeed a cold day in hell. The outside temperature plummets to a brisk 10 degrees, there are reports of snow in the hinterland and sleet only a few kilometres to the south.
Naturally this is the day someone decides that the lock on The Shed's door needs to be replaced with a card-reader, but no-one organises with Security to have it keyed to our cards. So we can't close the door, because then no-one can open it again.
And we sit in our uninsulated, corrugated metal shed with the wind howling in off the river, and watch our breath steam in the air while we lose feelings in our fingertips.
Naturally this is the day someone decides that the lock on The Shed's door needs to be replaced with a card-reader, but no-one organises with Security to have it keyed to our cards. So we can't close the door, because then no-one can open it again.
And we sit in our uninsulated, corrugated metal shed with the wind howling in off the river, and watch our breath steam in the air while we lose feelings in our fingertips.
Curious side effects
Amazing what total demoralisation can do to reduce muscle tension. I can't see it catching on as relaxation therapy, but then if someone had told me people would one day inject themselves with botulism to smooth out wrinkles I wouldn't have believed them.
I could be on to something.
I could be on to something.
11 August, 2005
Get me out of here
Some impending friction looming with PMv2. He's whingey because I'm not redrafting documentation fast enough for him. I'm cranky because he's not reading what's already there, and because I'm sick of being asked to do stuff that isn't what I signed on for. I schedule a meeting so we can get things sorted out.
He doesn't respond immediately. Curiously also he decides not to attend the project management meeting this afternoon, which is an unusual move for a project manager.
Then I discover why. I come back from the meeting to find a longer, more pompous e-mail (cc'ed to his boss and my operational supervisor, naturally) cataloguing his list of grievances with me and issuing a list of demands, deadlines, and an ultimatum.
Looks like he subscribes to the "beatings will continue until morale improves" school of people skills...
He doesn't respond immediately. Curiously also he decides not to attend the project management meeting this afternoon, which is an unusual move for a project manager.
Then I discover why. I come back from the meeting to find a longer, more pompous e-mail (cc'ed to his boss and my operational supervisor, naturally) cataloguing his list of grievances with me and issuing a list of demands, deadlines, and an ultimatum.
Looks like he subscribes to the "beatings will continue until morale improves" school of people skills...
10 August, 2005
Too many bodies, not enough floorboards
PMv2 gets bored up in the Project Office and comes down to tell us that everything we know is wrong. I don't think he has anyone to talk to up there. I've tuned out much of it (there's the little matter of the Table of Doom that he wants by close of business tomorrow), but he's running in circles trying to explain how he's not really contradicting himself. I think he's developing multiple personalities, because he's having trouble agreeing with himself about anything. I try to ignore him until he says something of interest. My minion foolishly tries to make sense of what he's saying.
PMv2: "We need to start this right now."
Minion: "We can't start this until after we've got authorisation."
PMv2: "That's what I said - we'll start this as soon as we've got authorisation. So can we start this on Monday?"
Minion: "Has it been authorised yet?"
PMv2: "No, but we need to start right away."
... and repeat.
Other news, is that Death Spiral has apparently changed scope yet again. This is one of his justifications for half of what he's saying conflicting with the other half. We're not sure what the scope has changed to, but apparently everything we've done so far has been deemed to be of operational importance, but of no value to the project. We need to concentrate on superficial issues instead (at this point my minion announces with gritted teeth that she has to leave for lunch). And we're not allowed to tell stakeholders that it's a big job and will take time, because they'll get nervous and kill the project.
... and suddenly he realises that no-one in the shed considers this a bad thing anymore, and begins fumbling for other reasons as to why we should lie to the stakeholders. Because hiding the truth from them worked so well through the first eight months of Death Spiral's life.
His fallback position is to complain about the problems he's having dealing with HR issues that shouldn't be his problem to deal with. They're not our problem, either, nor is the fact that he has a problem with them not being his problem. But now they can be our problem, too, because on Project Death Spiral a problem shared is a problem multiplied. No problem.
By the time he leaves he's successfully prevented any work getting done for nearly and hour and a half ... the second time he's done that this week.
PMv2: "We need to start this right now."
Minion: "We can't start this until after we've got authorisation."
PMv2: "That's what I said - we'll start this as soon as we've got authorisation. So can we start this on Monday?"
Minion: "Has it been authorised yet?"
PMv2: "No, but we need to start right away."
... and repeat.
Other news, is that Death Spiral has apparently changed scope yet again. This is one of his justifications for half of what he's saying conflicting with the other half. We're not sure what the scope has changed to, but apparently everything we've done so far has been deemed to be of operational importance, but of no value to the project. We need to concentrate on superficial issues instead (at this point my minion announces with gritted teeth that she has to leave for lunch). And we're not allowed to tell stakeholders that it's a big job and will take time, because they'll get nervous and kill the project.
... and suddenly he realises that no-one in the shed considers this a bad thing anymore, and begins fumbling for other reasons as to why we should lie to the stakeholders. Because hiding the truth from them worked so well through the first eight months of Death Spiral's life.
His fallback position is to complain about the problems he's having dealing with HR issues that shouldn't be his problem to deal with. They're not our problem, either, nor is the fact that he has a problem with them not being his problem. But now they can be our problem, too, because on Project Death Spiral a problem shared is a problem multiplied. No problem.
By the time he leaves he's successfully prevented any work getting done for nearly and hour and a half ... the second time he's done that this week.
Writer's block
What's a good way of saying "it would go a lot faster if you stopped asking me to rewrite it in different formats, wasting our time moaning to us about your problems, and asking for updates twice a day" that isn't likely to end in "now f**k off!"?
09 August, 2005
More rewrites
Good news: the presentation I was to do today is still okay to go ahead, despite PMv2's decree yesterday about releasing information before it's approved. (Solution: deliver a presentation free of meaningful content).
Bad news: the presentation, I'm not told, has to be scaled back from 15 minutes to 5. But that's okay, because they also want to change the emphasis, too. And they even gave me a whole five hours' notice.
I wish I had some idea of what I was doing here.
Bad news: the presentation, I'm not told, has to be scaled back from 15 minutes to 5. But that's okay, because they also want to change the emphasis, too. And they even gave me a whole five hours' notice.
I wish I had some idea of what I was doing here.
Cow-orker: by the pricking of my thumbs...
About 8:20 this morning the tic in my right eye came back. This is the tic that was setting in with increasing frequency when I was still working with the Cow-orker, and which would return within about five minutes of her coming down from Marketing for a visit.
"Hmm," I thought to myself, "she must be doing something really stupid right now."
At 9:20 my phone rings and it's her. She needs some advice about dealing with some of the things that I used to handle, because she's getting stressed out by them.
Half an hour lates I'm still trying to get off the phone. I've given her my advice, she's said "thanks" and "good-bye" at least three of four times and *she just won't go*. All those years of watching her torture people on the other end of the phone, and now it's my turn.
Argh.
I'm typing a "Help me!" e-mail to my old manager when she finally, finally gets off the line.
"Hmm," I thought to myself, "she must be doing something really stupid right now."
At 9:20 my phone rings and it's her. She needs some advice about dealing with some of the things that I used to handle, because she's getting stressed out by them.
Half an hour lates I'm still trying to get off the phone. I've given her my advice, she's said "thanks" and "good-bye" at least three of four times and *she just won't go*. All those years of watching her torture people on the other end of the phone, and now it's my turn.
Argh.
I'm typing a "Help me!" e-mail to my old manager when she finally, finally gets off the line.
Burning down the house
We have no fire alarms in the sheds because the sheds aren't attached to the main building, and therefore there's no legal obigation to let people in the sheds know if there's a fire.
I mention this because we've just received a self-congratulatory e-mail announcing that the City Council has been awarded a "Caring Council" award.
I mention this because we've just received a self-congratulatory e-mail announcing that the City Council has been awarded a "Caring Council" award.
08 August, 2005
Project Death Spiral meets Monday
Severe pointy-hair attack this morning. Amongst all the organisation-generated spam in my Inbox, I find a message from PMv2 asking me to "provide a detailed table" showing 10 different categories across 12 different items. And it must be presented in a Project Office template, which happens to be portrait size (variation from the PO template will not be tolerated). So ... a 12x10 table no wider than the short edge of an A4 sheet. No problem - provided I use 4pt font. Except I don't think 4pt is approved for use in Project Office documents, so I might have a problem here.
That's only the ludicrous part.
The aggravating part is that this is the third incarnation of this information he's asked for - he's already been provided with everything that's available, but wants it summarised in yet another form. Because diversity is good. Should I pre-empt him and supply it as a pie-chart, too, I wonder? This latest request means that not only have I basically wasted my time drafting those earlier documents, I now have to put on hold half the work I'm doing now because he wants to see the Giant Table of Doom first before anything else goes ahead.
That's only the ludicrous part.
The aggravating part is that this is the third incarnation of this information he's asked for - he's already been provided with everything that's available, but wants it summarised in yet another form. Because diversity is good. Should I pre-empt him and supply it as a pie-chart, too, I wonder? This latest request means that not only have I basically wasted my time drafting those earlier documents, I now have to put on hold half the work I'm doing now because he wants to see the Giant Table of Doom first before anything else goes ahead.
05 August, 2005
Burn, baby, burn
There was a fire drill today. Not that residents of The Shed were told - there are no alarms here, no fire wardens came to check on us or do a head count to make sure we were out safely, and when it was pointed out that the shed only has one door and all the windows are barred, the official & considered response was that a demountable building intended to contain eleven people was too small to warrant an extra exit.
Presumably this means they feel it would be more trouble to cut a door into the wall than to replace up to a dozen crispy-fried staff.
Presumably this means they feel it would be more trouble to cut a door into the wall than to replace up to a dozen crispy-fried staff.
03 August, 2005
Workplace conversations
Minion (in stream-of-consciousness mode): "... oooh, itchie booby ..."
Stifled snorts from around the room.
Momentary pause.
Temp: "Well if that's the kind of relationship we're going to have, let me tell you all about my balls..."
Just another snapshot of Life in The Shed.
Stifled snorts from around the room.
Momentary pause.
Temp: "Well if that's the kind of relationship we're going to have, let me tell you all about my balls..."
Just another snapshot of Life in The Shed.
02 August, 2005
Project Death Spiral: raw nerves
A fairly serious issue has come up. One of those things that's so glaringly obvious in hindsight that it seems impossible no-one identified it at the time. Particularly the people making the decisions back then, like PMv1 and Project Team Leader v1.
While waiting for a meeting to begin yesterday morning, my minion pounced on PTLv1, who was sitting in for someone else, and asks him whether anyone had identified this issue back when the decision was first made.
"Err... no."
She explains.
"Um, no. That's easily fixed, though. There'll be a workaround. Why is it a problem again?" (Inoffensive guy, but not real bright).
Another manager in attendance asked for a couple of details, and suggested some solutions that could be discussed at another meeting later in the week.
And that, as far as we knew, was that. Until this morning when my minion arrived back in the shed after getting some clean drinking water from inside the main building.
"Did you think I was making a personal attack on PTLv1 yesterday?"
"Hell, no. He was still able to walk unassisted. Why?"
Apparently PTLv1 baled up my minion in passing and asked whether she was trying to make a personal attack on him yesterday (which is something only someone who'd never seen her make a personal attack could ask).
My minion brushes it aside. "No, of course not. I'm just trying to work out why no-one saw this coming before now and thought you might know something from back then."
"Well it felt like you were blaming me. I've heard that people are trying to blame me for the project running so far behind schedule when I was running it." (Well, who'd have thought? Chalk it up to one of life's cruel coincidences, I guess).
"Seriously, I haven't given it a second thought."
"Well I was worrying about it all day. Because it wasn't my fault, you know." Suddenly he sees light at the end of the tunnel. "But you were there, too. You were part of all those decisions!"
At this point he comes dangerously close to incurring a real personal attack, but my minion restrains herself and points out that she wasn't the project team leader, and was only told about things (sometimes) after they happened. PTLv1 is starting to sweat a little by this point ("Oh god, she really is trying to put the blame on me!") so she takes pity on him and explains that all she's really interested in doing is trying to get the issue fixed as soon as possible.
"Oh, that's good. Because it really sounded like you were trying to make a personal attack, and I've heard stuff. People are saying things. And it wasn't my fault. Really. Umm..." Some primitive survival instinct sees him retreat back to his office before he digs himself any deeper.
No guilty consciences there, no. Not in the slightest.
While waiting for a meeting to begin yesterday morning, my minion pounced on PTLv1, who was sitting in for someone else, and asks him whether anyone had identified this issue back when the decision was first made.
"Err... no."
She explains.
"Um, no. That's easily fixed, though. There'll be a workaround. Why is it a problem again?" (Inoffensive guy, but not real bright).
Another manager in attendance asked for a couple of details, and suggested some solutions that could be discussed at another meeting later in the week.
And that, as far as we knew, was that. Until this morning when my minion arrived back in the shed after getting some clean drinking water from inside the main building.
"Did you think I was making a personal attack on PTLv1 yesterday?"
"Hell, no. He was still able to walk unassisted. Why?"
Apparently PTLv1 baled up my minion in passing and asked whether she was trying to make a personal attack on him yesterday (which is something only someone who'd never seen her make a personal attack could ask).
My minion brushes it aside. "No, of course not. I'm just trying to work out why no-one saw this coming before now and thought you might know something from back then."
"Well it felt like you were blaming me. I've heard that people are trying to blame me for the project running so far behind schedule when I was running it." (Well, who'd have thought? Chalk it up to one of life's cruel coincidences, I guess).
"Seriously, I haven't given it a second thought."
"Well I was worrying about it all day. Because it wasn't my fault, you know." Suddenly he sees light at the end of the tunnel. "But you were there, too. You were part of all those decisions!"
At this point he comes dangerously close to incurring a real personal attack, but my minion restrains herself and points out that she wasn't the project team leader, and was only told about things (sometimes) after they happened. PTLv1 is starting to sweat a little by this point ("Oh god, she really is trying to put the blame on me!") so she takes pity on him and explains that all she's really interested in doing is trying to get the issue fixed as soon as possible.
"Oh, that's good. Because it really sounded like you were trying to make a personal attack, and I've heard stuff. People are saying things. And it wasn't my fault. Really. Umm..." Some primitive survival instinct sees him retreat back to his office before he digs himself any deeper.
No guilty consciences there, no. Not in the slightest.
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