08 May, 2009

I don't know where to start

This is incredible. Ted E. just forwarded through a document for the rest of the team to review, relating to the KPIs I mentioned a few days ago. His email, in essence, says "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so can everyone please fill in all the blanks so I can submit this and say I've done it?"

It's just ... I don't know where to begin. It's written in what appears to be English, but makes no sense at all. It's the kind of written English you'd get if you taught a basic vocabulary to a chimpanzee, sat it in front of a word-processor, and then proceded to beat the chimpanzee about the head with an iron bar until it sustained brain damage.

Most people, when they don't understand something, can still explain their incomprehension in a way that makes it possible for others to understand what they're not grasping and explain it to them. But Ted E. operates on the next level, where he understands so little that it's actually impossible for him to explain his confusion in terms that would allow anyone to work out what he's even talking about.

If it was deliberate, it would be classed as performance art. But it's not. It's just a jaw-droppingly unintelligible mixture of full-screen screen captures (he must have finally figured out what the "Print Screen" button does), text pasted in from others' emails and documents (still in its original formatting, just to add to the overall surrealism of the reading experience), and some randomly-inserted comments from him that have no obvious connection to the surrounding elements.

I can't even tell where he's suggesting something, where he's asking a question, and where he's provinding something for the sake of "information". I think at some point he's proposing that we simply duplicate the Morass, including all the old and outdated documentation (99% of what's there, at a conservative estimate) ... along with photos of departed staff members? What???

1 comment:

Sean said...

Ok, now that the I-guy has a far better understanding of the department, especially the personalitys involved, consider taking him aside and asking if you could re-submit your idea. Remind him who the opposition is, and that most ideas with that opposition are often worth something.

Sean