It's all in the presentation.

Thirty minutes after stating that there was something he wanted to check with us, Ted E. finally unveils the small but crucial fact that actually gives the long, meandering rant a smattering of relevance. Unfortunately he chooses this long after the point where everyones' eyes have glazed over and they've given up hope of there ever being a point.

This is what I imagine it feels like to be slowly devoured from the feet up by diseased gerbils with bad breath.