Our clients bewilder me sometimes. Not because they don't seem terribly bright, or even because they're paid decent money to work here. No, it's more a general bewilderment that they're even able to find their way here each day without getting lost or somehow maiming themselves en route.
I have one at the moment who's submitted repeated requests over the last couple of days to have a free upgrade to some very expensive software that he's not actually entitled to. This has been explained to him when his requests have been returned to him, along with a quote for the actual cost of the software he's asked for if that's really what he'd like us to order. He's cancelled each returned request out of hand because he doesn't feel he should have to part with any funds, and then resubmitted exactly the same request. The only changes he's made have been increasingly pompous complaints about the delay and how he's very important and needs it urgently.
The breakthrough came this afternoon when I sent him a lengthy detailed email explaining to him (again) exactly why his previous requests couldn't be processed, why he needs to actually buy the software he's demanding, and outlining exactly what software he's currently entitled to and any related upgrades attached to those. He picks a bit of software only tenuously related to the one he's been demanding for free.
"Yes! Yes, that is exactly the one I want! You've already made me lose a couple of days, so please install it immediately!"
Because it was so very clearly our fault for somehow compelling him to keep ordering the wrong thing and for failing to divine his true purpose...
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