Oh, 2011, I hate you already...

A general plea to clients:

• please, please stop migrating from a PC to a Mac and then acting surprised when none of the Windows software you've purchased - especially the Windows-only software - is available on your new computer. Yes, there are ways of working around this, but they will cost you more money and you need to think about these things first instead of just buying something because it's shiny;
• if you're going to use multiple email addresses to contact us with queries, try checking those email accounts for replies instead of switching to a new identity and complaining that we've never gotten back to you;
• on a related that note, read your emails instead of doing whatever it is you do with them now, which I can only assume is to gaze blankly at the screen while trying to divine the desired meaning through some form of visual osmosis;
• please don't apply security settings to your emails so that it's impossible for us to reply to them directly. That's just retarded;
• stop making shit up. Seriously, just because you make up a non-existent version of Microsoft Office containing applications that have never been part of an Office suite doesn't mean it now exists. Getting offended at us because we won't provide you with MS Office Ultimate Enterprise Mega-Edition with Magical Sparkly Unicorn 2010 isn't going to make any difference and only makes everyone unhappy;
• if you don't like getting the same answer every time, either stop asking the same question or follow the advice we gave you the first time around.