01 May, 2006

Cow-orker: suffer the children

"Ohmygod ohmygod! The Spawn got in trouble at school for the same thing she did last week! What's wrong with this misbegotten child?"

And she leaps onto the phone to ring around her family and mobilise them so they can all unite in condemnation of The Spawn and impress on her what an awful child she is for acting like a five-year-old rather than the child prodigy she's supposed to be. (Because there's nothing like a consolidated effort at scarring a child for life to encourage good behaviour).

[And in the middle of all this, the Secondary Cow-orker is telling me all about her latest mobile phone plan and why she chose it. My eardrums are under siege from all sides.]

Listening to the Cow-orker bewailing having given birth to the Antichrist, it becomes very clear that she's actually scared of the hyper-intelligent Spawn and is frightened of having to deal with a childish temper tantrum.

You just know The Spawn is going to grow up to be a serial killer.


Kalgoorlie said...

The Spawn is female???
i never knew that!!!
and i've been reading your work for years...

hmmm, maybe i'm not paying close enough attention...

good blog by the way.

Madkittykat said...

Or worse she could turn out like her mother!!!!!

Dr Irony said...

Or possibly the spawn will overcome its parentage and grow into an intelligent individual.

Sadly, while this will be a heartwarming tale, it will also convince the Cow-orker that she is an expert at child raising and must tell everyone how to emotionally cripple their child for their own good.