23 July, 2012

The CIO and The Samophlange

I imagine the conversation between young Mephistopheles from the Very Large Software Company and our CIO went something like this:

Mephistopheles: Behold! The Samophlange!

CIO: What does it do?

Mephistopheles: Whatever you can dream of and more!

CIO: But ... the cost. Surely it must be priceless beyond the reckoning of mortal man?

Mephistopheles: Not so! Why for a mere pittance over a million gold coins, it can be yours!

CIO: ... oh. [his face falls]

Mephistopheles: However! I have spoken to my dark master and he has agreed  to let you have the most wondrous Samophlange for a mere pittance under a million gold coins if you buy it ere the cock crows three days hence. Buy now and save more!

CIO: OH MY GOD I MUST HAVE IT NOW!

A couple of days later this translates into me and another staff member going over the various figures and strategic requirements around the Samophlange. I'm looking at what we already own and have invested substantial amounts in, and can't really see what the Samophlange will add. They're looking at how much the Samophlange costs and where the magic numbers are coming from to make up the substantial wad of cash our CIO appears to believe we have on hand in the dying days of the financial year.

We keep returning to a fairly exhaustive and authoritative review of the Samophlange carried out earlier in the year, and which has been enjoying a bit of a renaissance in the last few days. Its verdict? We don't need it and can't afford it.

A senior manager wanders by to see how we're going.

"We just can't see how it's worthwhile."

"It's a great deal," he says.

"Well, maybe," I reply, "if we were actually going to use the Samophlange to its full capacity, but we won't be able to do that for at least another couple of years."

"No no. You don't understand. It's A Great Deal."

We can practically hear the capitalisation falling into place as he speaks.

"Ah. It's officially A Great Deal, then?"

"Yes. The CIO has decided."

"Well. That's my part done, then." I look at my colleague. "Good luck finding the cash."

"Oh Jesus..."

And now we own a Samophlange.

3 comments:

klc said...

samophlange huh? Apparently I was not geeky enough, but with the aid of Google, I'm just a bit geekier now. :)

You would think that not having the money would equate to now buying the thing you don't need. Apparently not.

And it won't even make a good foot rest. :(

Thanks for a new and fun story.

Leeba said...

Indeed! Doesn't everyone need a samophlange? I, like klc above, had to look this word up. On Urban Dictionary.
I must say I agree with your senior manager - At that price, It's A Great Deal!

Perhaps you could use it as a step-stool at the washbasin on "Take Your Kid To Work Day"

Now, to add to my suddenly increased Geek Factor, I shall type in Iendeve 38 to prove I am not a robot ;)

Argh said...

I only knew of the Samophlange from playing WoW. I was surprised to learn it had such a rich geek history, but for me it will be forever associated with acquisitive Goblins.