03 October, 2011

Something in the water?

Context is all-important, but even for this place the last few days have been utterly deranged. The Stress Fiend likes to claim that the lunatics are running the asylum, but I'm not sure that's the case. If my workplace is anything to go by, they've either reduced the amount of anti-psychotics in the water supply, or increased them to dangerous levels.

The Stress Fiend was in explosive form at the tail end of  last week:

"I can't believe how much paper we have to waste printing off all this stuff just to satisfy some outdated and arbitrary process that everyone but me wants to get rid of! This place is unbelievable!"

"What  do you mean you didn't know about that arbitrary and undocumented charge I've been adding to random orders for some clients and not others?"

... and around the same time I had to convince her that no, I hadn't seen the new Elmo doll, nor had I been keeping up with the latest developments in Two And A Half Men.

I retaliated by throwing tricky, work-related questions at her, because I am nothing if not subtle:

"Has that purchase order to renew the support on some business-critical systems gone out yet?"

"Oh! No! I'd have had it out hours ago if someone hadn't made waste hours trying to work out what was wrong with their software!"

Except ... the only person who "made" her do that, was her. And she's had this order on her desk for a week.

Five minutes later: "Arrhhh! This software installation is still failing in exactly the same way everyone's been telling me it fails!"

And now, with La Mondaine back in the office, we're experiencing a perfect storm of stupidity, starting with the two of them trying to locate some old software.

"Who makes Corel Draw software?"

"I think it's Corel."

"Really? Are you sure? Who used to make it?"

"I'm pretty sure it used to be Corel..." They drag me into it. "Who used to make Corel Draw?"

"Corel Draw? I'm fairly confident Corel have always made Corel Draw."

They go back to discussing it aomngst themselves, seeing as I'm clearly being no help. Searching the internet for answers is no help, because while Corel claim on their website that they make it, what would they know?

"Are you sure it's not Autodesk?"

I'm not sure what causes them to admit defeat, but eventually they concede the software is actually made by the company whose name it's borne for the last twenty years. Now they have to try to find the installation discs which, you may recall, has been one of the things La Mondaine is meant to have been working on for the last year or so.

The Stress Fiend looks expectantly at La Mondaine. "Well?"

La Mondaine looks guilty. "Well... I might not have filed all those CDs absolutely exactly in order just yet ..."

Eventually the discs are retrieved .. from the large plastic disposal bin where La Mondaine had thrown them in a frenzy of getting rid of what she considers "old" software. So whatever absolutely exact filing system she thinks she's using, the madness:method ratio is gravely unbalanced.

It's a hellish way to start the week.

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