Something dimwitted this way comes.

Ted has returned from his month-long holiday and isn't wasting any time. Figuratively speaking, that is:

• Despite being having just come back from holiday, he's already angling for an extra long weekend (a plan that was swiftly sunk when I staked my claim to the day he was eyeing up. Honestly, I was already aiming for that day before he even started checking the calendar for his next day off. Even money says he calls in sick that day now, instead);
  
  
• a client rings up with a problem that they've been having trouble getting someone to look at. It's within Ted's area of responsopility, the fix is easy ... but rather than actually doing anything about it (even with The Invertebrate telling him "It doesn't matter, just fix them up") he begins stalking the area, piece of scrap paper in hand, questioning everyone as to whether they're the ones who left this for him to sort out;
  
  
• another client rings up for some information. Ted pulls out one of his traditional spiels and redirects them to our website (presumably one of the parts he hasn't been in sabotaging) where "you'll be able to read a little story about that". Ted doesn't believe in things as modern as blurbs or information. Everything that relays information in writing is a story to him. Which, really, says some pretty fundamental things about his ambiguous relationship with things like "facts", "truth" and "honesty";
  
  
• offering to take The Invertebrate to coffee to pump him for information on what's been going on while he's been away. The Invertebrate looked hopeful for a second, misinterpreting Ted's Pidgin English invitation as meaning that Ted had some important news for him (you could practically see the "Yippee! He's going to tell me he's retiring!" thought bubble appear over his head until he actually realised what had been said;
  
  
• "Have my duties changed while I was away?" No, Ted, you're still expected to do at least a token amount of work while you're here. You don't get out of them that easily.

Sadly, it's like he never went away. He's now busy combing through everything that everyone else did while he was away looking for things to complain about.