I imagine the conversation between young Mephistopheles from the Very Large Software Company and our CIO went something like this:
Mephistopheles: Behold! The Samophlange!
CIO: What does it do?
Mephistopheles: Whatever you can dream of and more!
CIO: But ... the cost. Surely it must be priceless beyond the reckoning of mortal man?
Mephistopheles: Not so! Why for a mere pittance over a million gold coins, it can be yours!
CIO: ... oh. [his face falls]
Mephistopheles: However! I have spoken to my dark master and he has agreed to let you have the most wondrous Samophlange for a mere pittance under a million gold coins if you buy it ere the cock crows three days hence. Buy now and save more!
CIO: OH MY GOD I MUST HAVE IT NOW!
A couple of days later this translates into me and another staff member going over the various figures and strategic requirements around the Samophlange. I'm looking at what we already own and have invested substantial amounts in, and can't really see what the Samophlange will add. They're looking at how much the Samophlange costs and where the magic numbers are coming from to make up the substantial wad of cash our CIO appears to believe we have on hand in the dying days of the financial year.
We keep returning to a fairly exhaustive and authoritative review of the Samophlange carried out earlier in the year, and which has been enjoying a bit of a renaissance in the last few days. Its verdict? We don't need it and can't afford it.
A senior manager wanders by to see how we're going.
"We just can't see how it's worthwhile."
"It's a great deal," he says.
"Well, maybe," I reply, "if we were actually going to use the Samophlange to its full capacity, but we won't be able to do that for at least another couple of years."
"No no. You don't understand. It's A Great Deal."
We can practically hear the capitalisation falling into place as he speaks.
"Ah. It's officially A Great Deal, then?"
"Yes. The CIO has decided."
"Well. That's my part done, then." I look at my colleague. "Good luck finding the cash."
"Oh Jesus..."
And now we own a Samophlange.
