Literal transcriptions

The Stress Fiend at work:

[indistinct mutter]
*snort*
*SNORT*
[indistinct mutter]
- cackle! - 
"That's what they get when ..."

Is it any wonder I often have absolutely no clear idea as to what she's doing?

Special Needs

"I can't find this information on our website, so how can we expect our clients to?"

I look at the web page La Mondaine is complaining about.

"The information's right there."

"But you know it's there! How was I supposed to find it? How are our clients?"

The page consists of three, one-sentence paragraphs.

"Wait, what was that first bit again?"

In a harm minimisation exercise, we're trying to keep La Mondaine away from anything remotely technical. Initially we were just trying to keep her away from anything involving computers, but after she broke two document shredders we've had to extend the boundaries somewhat. Needless to say, this doesn't leave a lot else for her to do here, particularly as she won't concentrate on the tasks she's been specifically asked to deal with.

Finally, in desperation, the Stress Fiend relinquished control of her much-loved stationery order. We don't order a lot of stationery, so her rationale was that if she told La Mondaine precisely what to order, there was little that could go wrong.

It was an interesting theory. Then ... I want to say "reality struck", but juxtaposing "reality" and "La Mondaine" like that is such a gross violation of the physical universe that I'd expect Stephen Hawking to turn up in a Dalek chair and exterminate me.

Anyway. La Mondaine cast her mind back to her original time here and remembered that reply-paid envelopes had once been used many years ago. Twenty minutes of "what if?" and "but don't you remember when?" later, the Stress Fiend finally snapped:

"No! For the umpteenth time - we do not need 'Reply Paid' envelopes!"

Two hundred dollars worth of reply-paid envelopes later...