Reviewing the situation

I have to confess that I'm developing a few reservations about staying here long-term after the last couple of weeks after watching recent efforts to make the departing Project Team Leader take the blame for things that were going wrong months before he was even hired.

Leaving aside the ethics of the situation, common sense would suggest that if you're going to start including "prepare scapegoat" as a project objective, you should at least be more subtle than asking someone to commit to completing in two weeks an activity that was originally scheduled to take 82 days. Otherwise the person you're trying to scapegoat may start getting suspicious.

It's been suggested that the people in charge are either untrained or just plain daft.

My money's on daft. All the Project Office people I've spoken to seem to have a reasonably good idea of what they should be doing (and an even clearer idea of what everyone else should be doing), but they seem happier working in a culture where they get to call all the shots without taking any personal responsibility (which tends to lend weight to the idea that "people" actually encompasses both actual humans and bald apes with a talent for mimicry).

Project Death Spiral continues

And the three temps have pointed out that their contracts expire today. The team leader had been trying to get them extended for another 12 weeks, but no-one from the Project Office would confirm for him whether this was going to happen or not.

The Shed could be a very quiet place in the very near future.

Not completely surprising...

The project team leader has just given two weeks' notice in response to moves towards making him the official scapegoat for things that happened before he came on to the project.

Excrement, meet Fan...

Welcome to Project Death Spiral

Perhaps it was a little premature of me to be joking about the Team Leader looking wild-eyed earlier this week. Having spent most of the day being asked to justify everything he does (and why everything that happens on the project takes time rather than being willed into existence instantly), the last straw seemed to come late this afternoon when he was asked to justify a meeting with the organisation's designated software supplier. He's now decided to adhere rigidly to the job description he was contracted to do, rather than continue to go above and beyond in getting the project back on the schedule it had slipped from before he came on the scene and for which he's being continually asked to account.

It would be an exaggeration to say that people are already hunting for a scapegoat, but it certainly makes the previous project manager's question earlier this week ("Could I carry the project through to its conclusion, or would I need a project manager to do that?") seem even more ominous than it did at the time.

Things had actually seemed slightly encouraging yesterday when I met the new project manager and found him willing to take a more hands-on approach than his predecessor. He also seemed interested in moving away from the traditional City Council definition of a project manager (i.e. someone who fills the PHB role in a project) and towards the conventional sense where he actually manages the project.

Despite that, his efforts to make sure the team leader doesn't overstep his bounds by actually talking directly to people and therby breaking the chain of command are a little worrisome.

Should be interesting to see what the climate's like come Monday.

The server rooms in the basement are actually below the flood level of the river that runs fifty metres from our door.

This came to light when people were investigating the recent flooding of the basement caused when The Shed was finally connected to running water. The water supply for The Shed's sink was connected to the baement's decommissioned fire-sprinkler system, which hadn't been closed off properly. When water was finally supplied to The Shed, water was also supplied in firehose quantities to the basement.

Much kicking and covering of butts is now occurring in the main building.

Abandon ship

The Project Manager abandoned us today and a new one took his place. With the flight of the original Project Team Leader several weeks ago, this now means that the people who've been on this project the longest are the three temps who started in March. In fact getting anyone to stick around the project for any length of time seems to be a real challenge.

Come to think of it, the current Team Leader has been looking a little wild-eyed lately...

Should sound familiar to a few people

The Project Team Leader and I express some dissatisfaction about a couple of the local systems. The response: "Don't knock it until you've spent six million dollars trying to get it to work."

Win some, lose some

Less than a week ago we managed to get approval to have a lock installed on the single office in The Shed so that we could store documents securely without constantly having to go in and out of the main building all the time.

Today workmen came in and removed the office's walls and door.

Hate Mail

The Cow-orker news has just been broken to my workmates and the first hate-mail has hit my Inbox.

Shifting goalposts

Talk about moving the goalposts. The Project Team Leader and I just had a meeting with the Project Manager (who has the annoying habit of insisting that he doesn't want to hear about the fine detail, even though most of the questions he's asking hinge on the fine detail we're struggling with) and he managed to undercut much of what the two of us see as being the critical issues. Annoyingly, he's also expecting us to know about decisions that were made prior to either of us joining the project that no-one's actually relayed to us.

More annoyingly still, I've been on the project for two weeks, the PTL has been on for only three weeks longer than that, and we're the ones being asked to explain why a project that's been running since mid-late last year is running one month behind schedule. And (like a bad Dilbert strip) we have to increase the frequency of meetings and status reports to ensure that the project is able to get back on schedule.

As we talk to more people throughout the day, it becomes increasingly clear that the Project Manager has been giving very selective information to a lot of people, so that no-one quite knows the status of anything. Clearly he's practising a divide-and-conquer strategy, but it's not quite clear who he's trying to conquer.

No going back now.

Just had an e-mail from the original Cow-orker. Rather than summarise, here it is:

You're not going to believe what has happened here. I went to see [current section head] on Friday morning about some details for the wireless launch that's haooeneing tomorrow ... and she had [the Crazy Man] in her office. Turns out the reason [the Crazy Man] took so long to advertise your position is that apparently despite [previous section head's] promises to me my current job has been classified at a 4 [a lower pay level].

Although it's a safe guess this is simply the lifeline the Crazy Man has latched onto to justify not having done anything about replacing me in the last six weeks. Especially as he's been heard saying that he didn't want the Cow-orker back under him.

They think they might be able to push it to a 5 [not quote as low a level, but still lower than what she's getting now] and [the Crazy Man] wanted to give me the option of going back.

Mr Path-of-Least-Resistance strikes again.

They both dropped this on me at about 11.30am on Friday, Seemed to me that I didn't really have much of a choice. I mean I'm a 6 (which I keep if I go back) or I can choose to apply for the new job (ie. I might not get it) and take the possible 5.

The Marketing Shrew doesn't like working with the Cow-orker, largely because the Cow-orker keeps wanting to do things and has ideas. Ideas upset the Marketing Shrew's way of doing things which, historically, has been to smile nicely, wear low-cut dresses and take the credit for everything.

It was a no brainer from my point of view.

Yes, well, it wouldn't be the first time that phrase has been used in conjunction with the Cow-orker's decision-making abilities...

So, I'm now officially back in [my old unit]. I'm thinking I'm kinda lucky you got that job now.

I wonder if my former workmates will share her point of view. One of their great fears when I left was that she'd return...

Funny how life works isn't it.

Hysterical. I wish I could see everyone's faces when they learn she's coming back down from Marketing.

The potential for chaos in my old workplace is enormous. Since the reogranisation that put us under the Crazy Man, there's no direct manager over the unit (and won't be until the Crazy Man writes a position description that's actually likely to get approved - it's been a work-in-progress for about two years or more), so she's essentially coming back to a role where she's going to be self-directing.

My bridges with my old job haven't been burned so much as subjected to orbital bombardment.

The Coup

The Project Office has siezed control of all the sheds, which came as a surprise to my section, who were planning on using my project's new shed to house some of their staff while their area inside the main building was being refurbished.

And now today's sport:

Minion fighting. My minion won, the other one fled The Shed, and then fled work entirely.

This suggests I should probably avoid making my minion angry.

Random Monday-ness

My minion continues to establish her Cow-orker credentials by singing along with the radio. Listening to breakfast radio in the first place doesn't help her cause any, either. And while the Project Team Leader and I were having a deskside meeting she was busy on an extended personal call that mysteriously ended as soon as our discussion did. Maybe the interview panel did find the website after all...

Heating in The Shed has been turned on to counteract the chill. Will be interested to see if people actually turn the heating off as the day warms, or whether they'll complain about the hear and turn their own air-conditioners on to let the heaters and the air-conditioning battle it out.

Just another glorious day in the corps...

"I see Cow-orkers..."

"Hi, switchboard? There's a problem with my phone extension - the number on the handset is also assigned to someone in the main building. Can I get an extension that works?"

"Let me just test your current number and see what happens ... hmm, it's engaged. Yes, it sounds like there is a problem there."

The number I was calling from was engaged. What are the odds?

The life of luxury

Currently working in The Shed, an ageing and dubious-looking demountable that seems to have taken root in decades past. Anyone working on a project gets put in The Shed for the duration of the project (except Project Managers, who occupy the top floor of the main building and enjoy sweeping views of the river, Chevron Island and Surfers. Typical, really...).

Banishment to The Shed is supposed to be to prevent project people from being dragged away for operational work, but in reality tends to feel like you can't come back inside until you Get It Right.

On the bright side, when I do enter the main building, at least I'm allowed up on the furniture.

Day One

Arrived to find nothing apparently working. Marvin the Paranoid Security Officer explained that I couldn't get my security pass:

"Nothing's working today. Typical. Can't even take ID photos without the computer rejecting them. All the ones I took this morning - gone. And there are alarms going off all over the building, but can I get anyone to do anything about them? Not a sausage. You could try coming back later but, honestly, things probably won't be working any better then, either. Mondays? Don't talk to me about Mondays..."

The forms that were supposed to have been put through to set me up with computer, network and internet access haven't been, either. I can see this is going to be a productive start to things.

Slappable Clients II

"I ordered multiple licenses, but I only received one CD set."

"You only ordered one CD set."

"My order says 'media required'."

"It does. And media was supplied. You didn't say you wanted multiple copies."

"I need multiple copies! This will only work the way I want it to if I have multiple copies!"

"You can make multiple copies - the license allows you to do that."

"But I want original multiple copies! I don't want to make my own copies!"

"I can order another more copies in for you, then, but you'll need to pay for them."

Direct quote: "The quote I received from Symantec includes the media. I'm not prepared to pay for further media. The nature of the product is such that the CD forms part of the solution as it is required for the bare metal recovery. I'm happy to take this up with Symantec if you wish. The original order said '(must include media)' and for this product means a CD for each licence.

I'm sure he's mistaken, so I call Symantec. They agree that using the software the way he wants to will need one CD per license. They also agree that he can make his own copies, or pay for additional copies of original media, and seem a little puzzled as to what the problem is.

I enlighten my contact at Symantec by reading back the client's message. I get as far as "I'm not prepared to pay for further media" when the other end of the line explodes with laughter, followed by "Well I've got news for them - there's a lot of things we don't want to pay for either!" before being cut off by further eruptions of laughter.

I now have to translate this into less inflammatory terms and relay it to the client.

When Crazy Men Attack

We put out an RFI (Request For Information) a couple of months back for an organisation-wide antivirus, anti-spyware solution. An RFI is like going to tender, only without even the hint of a suggestion that we might be willing to consider committing to anything that someone might try to sell to us.

The results came back, and most of them were pretty uninspiring. I was given the licensing terms to review and then, because the accountant to whom it was given claimed it was "too hard", I was also asked to do a cost analysis of the proposals. And then, because it's the end of year and we're really, really busy, I had to put it all to one side to keep up with everything that was more immediately relevant to my job.

So yesterday I began trying to make sense of the assorted dogs' breakfasts that various resellers and vendors had returned to us, and discovered that the accountant was probably being quite accurate when he threw the cost analysis into the "too hard". God knows that after spending seven hours on it today I was more than willing to throw it someplace, too, after trying futiley to find some way of making a valid comparison between the offerings that upper management could understand with minimal hand-holding. The only reason I kept at it so doggedly was that I'd been told that our director needed the information by the end of today for a meeting on Monday, and I was expecting to be set upon at any moment by minions demanding reults now! now! now!

After another stroke-inducing hour of trying to compile information, I took a break outside this afternoon and ran into the Crazy Man. He asked how things were going, and in response I groaned about my day and a half of cost analysis.

"Oh, that reminds me," he answered. "I was speaking to the director the other day about that and we've agreed to just skip the RFI and go straight to tender with more stringent requirements on how we want the responses structured."

"So I don't need to worry about this anymore?"

"No, no. Don't waste your time on it. I need to e-mail everyone reviewing the RFI responses and let them know, but haven't gotten around to it yet."

I wasn't just relieved, I was elated at the unexpected reprieve from battering my brain against the monolithic nightmare of irreconcilable proposals I'd been working on since 8am this morning. This was the best news I'd had all week.

In fact I was so overjoyed that it was at least five minutes before it occurred to me I should have brained the now vanished Crazy Man with a potplant for not telling me (or anyone else) a day ago and saving me much from much suffering...

Slappable Clients

Client e-mail: "I ordered Macromedia Studio MX 2004 for Macintosh/Windows a month ago and wondered when I can expect to see it."

My e-mail: "I've checked our records. We sent you this a month ago."

Client reply: "Oh. Then if what I'm looking for is Macromedia Studio MX 2004 for Macintosh/Windows, I've already received that."

- SLAP! -